The Health Benefits of Loving and Being Loved

Love may not be all you need, but the difference between being in loving relationships and being without can have a significant impact on both body and mind, according to researchers in a relatively new scientific field, called “Interpersonal Neurobiology.”

Our Relationships With Loved Ones Affect Us
Physically and Mentally in Countless Ways

Relationships can change the brain with multiple consequences for our health and well-being, says Daniel J. Siegel, professor of psychiatry at the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) School of Medicine and author of several books on the development of the mind, who first coined the term “Interpersonal Neurobiology” (IPNB). He proposes an interdisciplinary view of life experiences that draws from different branches of science to create a framework for a better understanding of our subjective and interpersonal lives.

There has been a lot of renewed interest in recent years in the inner workings of the human brain. Thanks to recent advances in neuroscience, we now know that the brain does not stop developing after a certain age, followed by continuous, irreversible decline – as previously thought – but that it actually keeps changing throughout our entire lifespan, including old age.

What causes brain growth, what accelerates it and what slows it down, however, remains less clear. What we can say with reasonable confidence is that the brain constantly rewires itself, not only when we undergo challenging learning processes, but even when we deal with the simplest, most mundane experiences of everyday life. Everything we do, what motivates us and gets our attention, how we deal with challenges and solve problems, how we interact socially and respond emotionally – all of it shapes and reshapes the delicate circuits in our brain and ultimately defines us as who we are.

Dr. Siegel and his fellow-researchers believe that the greatest impact on our brain comes from interpersonal relationships because they produce by far the most important experiences at the beginning of our lives. Perhaps already starting in the womb, certainly at birth, a bond between mother and child is established that lays the foundation for everything that is to follow. The patterns of a lifetime’s behavior, thoughts, self-regard and choice of partners all begin when baby’s first attachments are imprinted in its brain, writes Dianne Ackerman, author of “One Hundred Names for Love” in an article for the New York Times (3/25/2012) on the subject.

Throughout life, our relationships with others “inspire us to rewire,” says Dr. Siegel. As lovers, spouses, parents, co-workers and friends, our brain is affected differently in each role. Intimate relationships alter the brain most profoundly. Anyone who has ever fallen in love knows how the experience encompasses the entire person. The same happens during a breakup or divorce. The pain from a broken heart is as real as from any physical injury, except that it seems to hurt everywhere.

But even without emotional highs and lows, love in its countless expressions can work wonders for us. Long-married couples sometimes report that they still are madly in love, feeling calm and content in each other’s company and anxious in times of separation.

Even clinical research confirms the importance of physical contact and closeness. “The benefits of touch to a person’s health are phenomenal. Touch can reassure, relax and comfort,” says Tina Phillips, author of “Human Touch.” “Touch reduces depression, anxiety, stress and physical pain and can be healing. It increases the number of immune cells in the body and has powerful affects on behavior and mood. Touch can be used as a form of healing in touch therapy.”

Studies have shown a direct link between physical touch and a decrease of blood pressure as well as an increase in the number of immune cells in the body. Similar effects can also be achieved by interacting with beloved pet animals. On the other hand, people who experience loneliness and isolation, especially the elderly, suffer greatly from the lack of physically expressed affection.

Therapists often emphasize the healing power of the human touch in form of massage. Researchers at the Touch Research Institute in conjunction with Duke University found that after a therapeutic massage, the body secretes lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol, norepinephrine and dopamine, which, if chronically elevated, can cause stress-related diseases, including heart disease.

Whether we will ever be able to fully understand the implications of complex phenomena such as love is questionable, but we can already see with clarity that love is much more than just a feeling.

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